JOKES includes the closest thing we can find to bankruptcy humor. Actually, there aren't too may bankruptcy jokes per se, but these are still amusing.

 

ROOKER FELDMAN REPORTS:	CONSUMER CONFIDENCE INDEX FALLS!
SENATOR FELDMAN:	THE EXISTENTIAL REFORMER
ATTORNEY AT LAW:	A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ROOKER FELDMAN

UNCENSORED!

ROOKER T. FELDMAN
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Erase Debt? You Bet!

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer:

$100 due for a consultation.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer.

The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said,

"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

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An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty.  Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.  Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.  At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

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Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.

Pete says to the salesman,  "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it."

The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"

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The lawyer came into chambers and, looking furtively around, pulled out a wad of cash.

"Here's $50,000," he said. "I really need to win this motion!"

The judge looked appalled.

"What kind of a judge do you think I am?" he asked, angrily, his face red.

The lawyer sputtered, embarrassed.

"I ... I heard you could be bought!"

The judge calmed down a little bit.

"Son," he said, "were I to take your money, I'd be committing a gross ethical transgression!"

"I see," said the lawyer. "I guess taking a bribe is pretty unethical."

The judge looked puzzled for a moment.

"I don't think you understand. Your opponent has already paid me handsomely. Were I to take your money, it would be a conflict of interest!"

"Matthew," asked the Pastor, "what's the matter?"

"Well, Pastor, my business is shot, I'm losing my house and my wife says she is going to leave me and take the kids if I don't straighten things out. I just don't know what to do."

"Matthew, find the answer in the Bible," the Pastor replied. And Matthew left.

Four months later, the Pastor sees Matthew coming out of Church, only this time, he's wearing an Armani suit, a nice cap and lighting a big old cigar.

"Matthew, you look great! Did you follow my advice?"

"I did. I went home that day and decided to open the Bible and to follow the advice I saw. So I opened the Bible and the first phrase I saw said:

Matthew Chapter 11."