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Consumer confidence
dropped to record low levels in February this year,
according to a recent report by the highly respected
Rooker Feldman Institute For Mood Stabilization. Data
pulled from the study reveal the hard facts of life during
the current economic doldroms: 1. Old clunkers
abandoned in the parking lot behind the Institute's office .
. . UP 25% 2. Number of lawyers
sneaking out at night to tow the abandoned clunkers home and
fix them up . . . UP 25% 3. Number of homeless
beggars refusing U.S. currency, demanding Euros or bottles
of wine, instead . . . UP 12.2% 4. Number of lawyers
wearing cheap used shoes purchased on eBay . . . UP
9% 5. Number of insolvent
consumers skipping bankruptcy attorneys' fees by using
Affordable Bankruptcy (move out in the middle of the night,
leave no forwarding address) . . . UP 13.5% 6. Sales of 99% proof
Olde Bankrupcie In a Bottle . . . UP
11% 7. Number of burglars
who refuse to steal credit cards because they're all maxed
out already . . . UP 97% 8. Number of people
whose identities are stolen but whose credit ratings improve
because the identity thief has better credit . . . UP
32% 9. Number of identity
thieves who return stolen identities after they discover
their victims' credit ratings are so crappy . . . UP
37% 10. Number of consumer
bankruptcy lawyers who steal their client's identities,
because their clients' credit ratings are better . . . UP
50% 11. Sales of state of
the art computers . . . DOWN 88% 12. Number of old
MD-DOS 386 computers brought in for repair . . . UP
88% 13. Requests for
updated versions of WordStar . . . UP 88%
CONSUMER CONFIDENCE INDEX
DOWN
27.4%
